Dearest.. uh, me. I may seem like a stranger to you but I don’t blame you; it’s hard to recognize love when you’ve been at war for so long.
(Ha, do you like that one? Love, war. Get it? I thought I was being particularly clever.)
I am writing to say, I love you/me/us. We’re ok. You may feel, especially as of late, that you’ve failed. You’ve dug a hole so deep for yourself that you cannot possibly crawl out. Why, your time must definitely be up! You’re nibbling at the edge of 30, you’re done growing. –30–, it means the end of a story. It’s when your parents finished their story as young adults and started down the journey of parenthood and responsibilities (or so you imagine).
You may feel these anxieties creep upon you each day, pinching at your throat and screaming from inside the pit of your stomach. They’ll twist your eyes to look down at the floor. They’ll whisper that the floor is all you have in this world and pretty soon that will be gone too. It will take days for the lump in your throat to subside. And only temporarily.
I’m writing you a love letter to let you know that firstly I understand but more importantly that I can see the other side of the coin. You may not believe it and your friends might not believe it but you/me/us? We’re doing great.
Allow me to elucidate.
Women. (By god, you do get so hung up about women.) There was a time in your life when a girl would ask you a simple question and you would die of embarrassment. But since then, you’ve made plenty of female friends and you’ve learned much of what you missed out on growing up with zero sisters and attending an all-boys high school and earning your degree in a grossly male-dominated field. The smart money would have you involved in a long string of failures but you’ve handled both serious and casual relationships well and never done anything terrible that you wish you could take back.
(Ok, there were a few moments that still inspire cringing.)
Career. You’re not a career-minded person, it falls pretty low on your list of priorities. You take pride in your work but you’re not excited to network and climb the ladder. But somehow you’ve found a place where you do get noticed for your results and lately you’ve been kicking a lot of butt. You’re remarkably at the right place in history at the right time but you also worked really hard to get there and stay there.
Being an adult in general. Things at times might appear bleak but you’ve grown up a lot since you graduated from university. You’ve always been a late bloomer in many regards and while it’s frustrating at times, it’s served you well to be a cautious and patient person. I do hope you’ll give yourself some slack and keep progressing, no matter how slow it may seem.
All this is to say, step away from your dizzying whirlwind of thoughts once in a while and love the person you are. You made it. You might not have accomplished what your parents had by this age but that’s because you’ve walked a different path with a whole different set of remarkable accomplishments, ones they never imagined they could hope for. They never asked you to do as they did.