The myth of porn
Tue, 28 Nov 2006.
There is a fascinating article in the New York Magazine called The Myth of Porn. It talks about having men exposed to so much pornography isn’t turning them into rapists like some feminists predicted. But rather, it’s made men less interested in real women.
Bad porn
For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.
If this is true, then I guess it’s still degrading to women but not in the horrific slippery slope way that many thought.
One passage that was really interesting was when the author talks to college students about how porn has affected their sexual relationships:
Porn is loneliness?
Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.
To me, that’s really sad that porn has taken the meaning and intimacy away from their relationship. You may argue that relationships are not all about sex (and usually they’re not) but having awkward and emotionally-detached sex with your significant other certainly doesn’t help the situation.
True, true. But I don’t know if things are as bad as she claims. Wolf asks “how a real womanâ€â€with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!â€Â)â€â€possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?” As a relatively normal male, I have to say that our standards are not as high as women seem to think. There might be some truth to the notion that women are struggling to appear as men want them to, but it’s at least equally true that women are competing with each other, quite apart from what men want. The tacit assumption that consumers of any stripe know what they want, and thus that meeting their specifications guarantee their satisfaction, is somewhat outmoded.
Also, I think the parts about other cultures supressing porn in order to make legit sex more erotic is pushing it a bit. I think they have other reasons for suppressing porn. Her friend might be in a loving and deeply erotic relationship, but there are many women who wear un-revealing clothing and get treated worse than animals. Take the Taliban for instance. They’re not indicative of Islam, much less Judaism (of course) but there is certainly a spectrum of cultures. Wearing conservative garb does not seem to have as it’s key motivation, either currently or historically, great sex between husband and wife. It’s not as simple as Wolf claims.
Its not just pornography though, its the media in general. Magazine, movies, tv. Is all ’sexualised’ to the point where you can’t go a day without seeing or hearing something in regards to sex and how fantastic its meant to be. Its not the fault of females, its not the fault of males, its society in general thats ruining the intimacy of sex for everyone.
Hang on, if it’s not the fault of males or females, but society altogether, who’s “fault” is it? What else makes up society?
Maybe a whole gender isn’t to blame, but it’s definitely a subset - and it’s perhaps easiest to argue that it’s the fault of a subset of both. You could further argue that the “free love” generation that Wolf herself is a part of - at 40 years old, she would have been on the trailing edge of it - is where to lay the so-called blame. The “free love” ideal, which exploited somewhat the sexual liberation of women, is what led to a more sexed-up society, which is the cascade to today’s circumstances. I think if anything the cause of the effect isn’t being addressed fully by the article.
(I know, partially ad hominem attack, but it stands as a valid point of the hypocrisy, I think.)
I think her point is not that we’re too sexed up, but rather that porn and sexually suggestive advertising makes a mockery of sex. Sex is a good thing! Free love is about a celebration of human sexuality and engaging with other humans. Porn is about making boot loads of cash and being separate from other humans. Free love is justified on the basis of creating a stronger bonds within society. Porn is justified on the unsatisfying (even if one views it as correct) argument that it doesn’t damage society and is thus protected as free expression. I don’t think we can view porn as a result of free love, they stem from quite incompatible aims and world views.