| Feb022007 | I’ve been alone lately |
Mother and I toured the temples in Springvale recently.
My father’s father
I greeted my grandfather and again I was a little surprised by how young he is in his photo. I knew him as a much older man. I met some uncles and an aunt; maybe for the first time since I was too young to remember or maybe for the first time ever. My father has an older brother who died of asthma. My mother has two brothers and a sister that died on the boat over from Vietnam.
I saw my uncle again, the one that died of a heart attack at age 42. The void he left in the family is so real that I feel as if I could run my fingers across my chest and feel a scar.
A New Beginning
I’ve felt a little alone lately. That day, I talked to people that don’t talk back and it’s a very lonely feeling. And I can’t help but feel a speck of that loneliness when I talk to the people in my everyday life now. I feel like I’m on a plane of existence of my own. I worry about immigration, customs, deadlines and itineraries and everyone else is quietly thinking about the season premiere of 24 or what game they should next buy for their Xbox.
I guess I’ve been forced to be self-obsessed for the past few weeks and frankly, I’m bewildered and disappointed that people aren’t as obsessed with myself as I am. It feels like everyone I know has something joyous and delightful happening in their lives and I would love to celebrate it and be a part of it in whatever capacity I can except right now I need you to drop everything and focus on me for just a minute.
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