| Jul192007 | Swimming Pool |
I am updating and re-posting old blog entires with new titles.
This was originally posted on 22 March 2004 and was titled Swimming in Chlorine.
The rhythm of his breathing is so soothing. Resting her head on his chest feels like they in perfect sync; his breaths are hers and pretty soon their heartbeats will be an echo of one another. Her fingertips play with his.
“Hey… have you ever thought about suicide?” His tone is calm and the question travels easily to her ears.
This is unexpected but not altogether surprising and she feels like she can’t hesitate in her reply. “Once or twice. You know how puberty fucks with your head.”
“Do you remember what triggered those thoughts?”
“Yeah. Gossip. Homework. My period. It’s so insignificant now but back then I remember it feeling like a hole I could never climb out of.”
School. Her eyes shift to the clock – it’s 10:15am. Usually she would be in Maths but instead she is here with him. It’s the third time this week. She sees her Burger King uniform draped across his chair and she sighs. Her head is pushed toward the ceiling as he follows with a deep breath of his own.
“Same story with me. Except I had to get stitches afterwards.”
She closes her eyes and hugs him tighter. She hates him for getting into these dark moods and she wishes he wouldn’t try to drag her down too. Eons pass. What was Maths class is now Psychology. She’s still pressed against his chest, listening to his rhythm and wondering if he’s ever going to move.
Chlorine. That was what he smells like. Ever since these mornings started, she’d always wonder what that familiar scent was. She could understand the other smells but why does he always smell like chlorine?
“I tried to drink a bottle of after-shave once.” His voice hasn’t changed but the sentence shakes the walls of his bedroom and rings in her skull.
“Why?”
“I didn’t want to live with my parents any more.”
“Oh.”
She wonders what it would be like to have sex in a swimming pool. There was an advice column that said the water ruins any natural lubrication your body produces so there’ll be unwanted friction. It might still be a good idea, it is summer after all.
“I ran away from home and tried to find a quiet place in the park to kill myself. I had a note written and everything.”
“Who found you?” She didn’t want to know the answer.
“A jogger, I guess. I didn’t realise I’d be coughing up blood so quickly.”
“Yeah.”
She can feel his fingers sliding through her hair. She tries to shut off all other feeling and focus on being close to him. Every morning she spends in his room is another morning spent away from class.
“You want to try it in a pool?” Her leg glides across the inside of his thigh and he looks at her and smiles.
“Where would we find a pool?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
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