What He Wants
Fri, 01 Feb 2008.
A week ago, I visited Match.com. The slogan on their ad campaign goes something like, “It’s ok to look!” And I read somewhere that you can browse profiles without signing up and I thought, “You know what, television? It is ok to look.”
Now, I’ve spent my entire life online. I’ve heard all sorts of love stories about online dating and whatnot but for some reason I’m still really wary of dating sites. Actually, I think I’m just afraid of personals in general, it’s got nothing to do with being online. That sort of “putting yourself out there” is not becoming of a dedicated introvert.
I was evilly hoping my fears would be justified and there’d be really creepy profiles so I could make fun of them and feel like a big man. This was not the case. Everyone was not crazy and I’m sure a lot of them are delightful company. Next time, I will check out the guys and see if there’s any crazies there. I want a profile of a stinky bearded guy that says, “I EAT YOUR TRASH. PLEASE STOP BUYING SO MUCH CHINESE FOOD. I LIKE LISTENING TO JAMES BLUNT.”
So here’s a question, ladies of Match.com in and around zip code 98101: a lot of you are asking for a guy “that knows what he wants”. I don’t know what that means. Do you even know what that means? I’m ready to admit I don’t know what I want. I’m 23 and I still wear jeans to work everyday, all I want is more Xbox games and a pizza with every kind of meat on it. Sometimes I would like a salad so be prepared for that curve ball.
So, to all these strikingly beautiful ladies that cyberstalk my blog: imagine dating a man that knows what he wants. What is it about him that does indeed prove he knows what he wants? Does he order unwaveringly when he gets to the front of the Starbucks line? Does he already have the DVDs picked out when you come over? Does he wrap his arm around the small of your back, pull you in close and feel you melt under his manly manly gaze? Does he pick out all the red M&Ms before you can even have one? Dish!
You wear jeans to work every day?!?! :O
I believe it is code for something ambiguous and vague, but I’d have to be a little more grown up to figure that one out. Plus, as only an average lady/child who stalks your blog from the wrong hemisphere, I’m not entirely sure my opinion would help you in your epic quest for ‘what women want’.
I do, however, like the OCD nature of sorting M&Ms… I’m not sure that should be your entire game plan though.
Maybe they want a guy who will be honest enough to say “One night stand please” and not wake up in the morning asking for a deeper commitment. or vice versa.
Or maybe they want them to be up front if they want the woman to be their mother figure and wash all their clothes.
What if all the guy wants is threesomes, foursomes or fivesomes? I don’t think a guy who knows what he wants is always gonna be a good thing. What if he wants to murder you in your sleep and make a hat out of your skull?
also i think it is funny that “threesomes” and “foursomes” are ok by the spell checker but fivesomes is not. I also want BBQ ribs.
I’m really not sure what that means either, but I’d guess it’s somewhere along the lines of a guy who takes charge.
And like Andrew said, someone who is honest about what kind of relationship they’re looking for.
Or maybe girls just write that because they have no clue what they want- who knows?
Geri - It’s not the same pair of jeans. I have like… 5 pairs. But yes, I dress casual every day. Also, I started work at 11am today. Crazy, huh? I can’t believe they’re paying me.
I love how M&Ms are perfect for exploiting OCD sufferers. Line up a few organized by color and with the “m” facing up and watch them build their pattern. Eat some while they try to do this.
Andrew - I think honesty would be really important. I think most guys would also appreciate an honest girl. But there are all these idiotic games that are just unavoidable. We’re not robots.
Maxie - Yeah, I was kind of thinking the girls did not know what to write. On the flip side, I think every guy asks himself if it is ok to write “must have a huge rack” on their profile.
Just found you on 20sb.
Those girls probably mean “I want him to want from himself what I want from him.” Because, really, what else does it mean? They’ve probably all dated guys who knew exactly what they wanted, and they just didn’t agree. Do you know what I mean?
Either that, or it’s just a way of saying confidence. I know a lot of girls are really drawn to confidence, myself included.
I too suffer from M&M’s OCDness - too long have you exploited my people, Jack!
This is looking at it simply (it’s all I can manage), but a guy who knows what he wants just sounds to me like a guy who knows in advance what he is looking for in a girl and what he wants to get out of a relationship. This type of guy may be less likely to fuck around when pressed for commitment? Don’t know how you could detect the quality though :P
i meant to comment on your driving post but found that too random but i wanted to say that driving IS zen.
as for guys who know what they want, i don’t have a clue either.
I thought you were more of a craigslist kinda guy… ;-) You and RMS could team up and have a double date. barfs
I want your job.
To me a man who “knows what he wants” is confident in himself, comfortable in his own skin, is decisive when things need to be decided, doesn’t waffle on his opinions, doesn’t try to make the girl make all the plans, takes charge.
Knowing what you want at Starbucks doesn’t really do it for me, although asking for a Large Coffee drives me up the wall.
loved this post by the way.
Courtney - that’s exactly the sort of cynicism I love. :D These girls all have their own problems and they’re just projecting on to their ideal man. Hell, I’m drawn to confident men sometimes.
Lachlan - well every man would like a sex buddy that they could call day or night but I doubt that inspires attraction in women.
Dennis - double date? I’d totally go out with RMS just to say I did. I’m a groupie.
Tiff - Would that man have to be so confident and assertive like 90%+ of the time? I can do that but I could probably only be that useful in short bursts.
haha, these days, you gotta take what you can get!
Congrats on the Indie Bloggers posting too.
Hi Jack,
Found you through Indie Bloggers (congrats by the way) and loved your piece so much I decided to check out your blog.
I have to agree with exactly what Tiff said.But also, If I had a profile on match.com and I wrote ‘knows what he wants’ I would definitely follow it with ‘and goes after it’. For me, ‘knows what he wants’ is about ambition and goals. And there is nothing sexier than a man (in jeans, board shorts or even pj’s if he is so inclined) who has some sort of plan. You know?
congrats for indie bloggers!
as for the ‘knows what he wants’ i feel like it’s one of those online dating profile cliches that people toss around like “i am laidback and confident”. i mean, who is really going to confess that they are neurotic and insecure? that’s why online dating doesnt work. people dont really reveal their true selves. however, i have known people who started dating via blogs! hmmm, maybe stacy should start an indie bloggers dating site lol.