I think the lack of a model for platonic relationship speaks volumes. People build relationships based on what they know whether they draw from family, friends, movies or porn. Yes, there are lots of hard lessons that you can only learn first-hand but that in no way implies that a human somehow builds up a model of social interaction from scratch. That is impossible. We frankenstein models of thinking from both real experience and the stories we see every day.

The out-and-out “let’s fuck” is only an absolute point if you made it to be one. Wouldn’t it be awkward if your best friend just announced one day that you should sleep together? Build a foundation and appropriate context, inspire attraction in the other person, learn to enjoy the game of flirting rather than backing people against a wall with Yes/No ultimatums.

There’s always more fish and you can’t afford to be hung up on a single “what if”. You need to determine the situation, mark them as a friend or otherwise and move on instead of months of agonizing over whether it’s worth shooting for that point of no return.

“platonic male-female relationships [haven't been around for long]“

sut-and-out -> out-and-out

Your point that platonic male-female relationships is a really good one, but just because it hasn’t been around for generations doesn’t mean much, in my mind. Each generation relearns all the relationship conventions and social nuances all over again, and adding the platonic relationship to the mix just adds more lessons to learn.

That said, sut-and-out saying “will you fuck me” is an absolute point of no return. Maybe you’ll get lucky, maybe you’ll be able to get past it anyway, but for all those non-Lotharios out there, there’s always going to be that element of “what if she absolutely hates me afterwards?”.

My best lesson has been that it’s never the end of the world. Cliche, but there’s always more fish.

Yeah I tried the secret seducing thing and it did not work for me. I guess I wasn’t working my mojo hard enough.

Tiff, this is the first time I’ve seen someone have comment envy, haha. Perhaps the purely platonic thing is unachievable but I see it more as an ideal than a myth. Pining is definitely a bad thing but I think sexual tension can exist without it becoming unrequited love.

The whole platonic thing is a myth, a mirage, when in practice. Pining from far away, or even close up hurts. Why put yourself through something that the intended is oblivious to?

you may hate my 2 cents, but i’m throwing them in: it seems like for some guys, it can become a pride thing. please confirm or throw darts at me as my punishment for being completely wrong. it just seems like – in my experience – when i learn about a guy friend who has had a crush on me or is currently crushing on me, it is always long after it happened or started. and these guys will have chosen to either continue the friend act but act odd, or ignore and become distant entirely. and i’ll have no idea until long afterwards (kind of like your mom and classmate boy! yes?). so maybe the guy shouldn’t be afraid to say something. and it may not go anywhere, but if she’s any friend at all, there can still be a very cool, kickass relationship and maybe, eventually, even jokes that can be made of ever having had an attraction in the first place. like you said – honest and upfront. i know i’m not like most ‘typical girls’, but i will always appreciate a friend who can tell me everything like it is and respect someone who can make themselves vulnerable by being honest.

of course. now that i think about it. if i had a male friend i had a crush on, i probably would either say nothing or try to secretly seduce him. so, what is that old saying about those who can’t do, teach? yeah, that’s me, apparently. i’ll just add a “be better than me! don’t make the same mistakes i did!” and we’ll be all set for this lecturing from afar segment of the day.