box of Jack » Bad Day in February

Tagged: seattle, thinking

Yesterday was officially a Bad Day for me. Maybe it was one paper cut too many or maybe it was the one-two punch dealt early in the day but I felt terrible. I spent the remaining hours with my head down, working hard and repressing these uncomfortable feelings. I shifted them to the bottom of the pile.

When I did get home, I allowed myself two big glasses of wine. I feel a little guilty toasting to my problems but you’ll be glad to know that it did little for me. The Bad Day had replaced the usual buzz with a vino-induced headache and so I went on with my nightly routine, sober and headachey.

This morning, I felt my spirits lift as I gulped down yogurt whilst watching re-runs of Dharma and Greg. The lifting faded as I hiked out to the bus stop in the brisk cold. I stared out at the grey-covered downtown and I said, Seattle, today I don’t love you. I don’t hate Seattle; the city is what it is and there’s so much to love on the good days and bad. Today, I’m just simply not in love with the “Seattle” chapter of my life.

It’s funny how Seattle is a chapter all on its own. I’ve only been here a year and while lots of things has happened, there is no overreaching theme to it besides the unexpected location. Perhaps as my life plays out further, the chapter will be renamed. Perhaps it will instead be named, “Growing Up” or “How My Garage Band Started.”

I stood at this bus stop, staring at the lifeless Union Station clock tower, and I looked at my sadness from further away. I saw it in the context of my twenty-something years and I realised that it’s the first time I’ve been depressed in Seattle. When I first left home, I was depressed about Seattle but finally I have something to be depressed about that’s not related to leaving Melbourne and I couldn’t help but grin. Because it finally means that something is happening.

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13 comments »

	tiff yesterday was not a great day for me, either. But instead I drank an entire bottle of wine, and my spirits aren’t so high today.
	poodlegoose I like your last paragraph… I’m glad you can see that something is happening even outside of your depression. And here’s another question for you: if you could start a garage band, which instrument would you play? Or would you want to sing/scream/screech? In all honesty, I would love to play the drums, but I have an incredibly hard time overlapping rhythms. It could never work out.
	Jack tiff: You need to follow 30 Rock’s example and switch to white wine by 10am the next morning. That is how you turn that frown upside down. poodlegoose: I actually already play a tiny bit of guitar! I’ve been thinking of posting some of my playing on YouTube just to prove I can play. I like vocals too. Yeah… I have dreams of becoming a drummer but my arms and feet do not obey me when I tell them to do things.
	poodlegoose Well, if you never end up starting a real band, you can always resort to playing Rock Band. You can be as good as you want, and it’s super fun too! I always wanted to be the bass player of a band because they never get any glory. And sometimes, I fantasize about being the lead singer in a girl band, because really, that’s exactly what my voice was made for. Either that or some weird happy go lucky musical.
	poodlegoose Oh, and I want to see those videos when you put them up, so you’d better post a link to them too :)
	Jack Yeah I’ve played Rock Band and I have a copy of Guitar Hero 3 at home. It’s fun but everyone I played with was kind of a veteran so it was intimidating. I could not hit the right pitch and all the high yelling at the end of OK Go’s Here It Goes Again totally cracked my voice. :(
	poodlegoose haha. That’s ok. I’m not nearly as good as Karen O’s lazy-ish rocker voice. oh, well… guess some have it and can make it on Rock Band. Everyone else can only try… and put up youtube videos of themselves. And how is Guitar Hero 3, by the way? I’ve always liked the idea of playing the game, but it seems harder than playing an actual guitar.
	Ashley it’s interesting how parts our lives can be seen as chapters – with a beginning and an end. where do you think you’ll go after seattle? (even if its not happening in the near future)
	Jack Ashley: I don’t know if I can see beyond Seattle. The near future will be definitely be here. I see more vacations in the future but I can’t imagine moving to another city unless my work was to take me there.
	Damsel in Digress great post, jack. it ended with me smiling for you. and that garage band? well, what are you waiting for? =p
	Damsel in Digress =p
	Damsel in Digress i think. your comments? are acting funny for me. just know i wanted to add a tongue-sticking-out face to the end of my garage band question =)
	Jack Wow awesome, Damsel. You found a bug in my emoticon highlighting code! high five

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