box of Jack » Yeah, Being Single

Tagged: single

Diana says she finds it admirable that I stay single instead of just leaping into a relationship. That made me smile and I was geniunely happy to hear that. It’s not by choice, is what sprang to mind but in a way, I guess it is. At the end of the day, I’m responsible for my own life and it’s the result of rational decisions, rationalised decisions, bad habits and various bits of crazy I’ve accumulated over the years.

I’ve been single forever. And I don’t mean like swinging bachelor single, the boring kind of single. When there is another warm body sharing my bed, it’s my MacBook Pro. It plays back episodes of 30 Rock, Flight of the Conchords, No Reservations and Top Chef. It makes me laugh but it doesn’t really laugh at my jokes nor does it provide me with backrubs and rambling anecdotes about the frenemies at work.

I’ve had friends comment about how non-plussed I am about being single. I’m not freaking out about girls, I don’t sniff about them and I much more readily incorporate them into my life as friends instead of more than friends (although sometimes “more” doesn’t actually mean more). I try not to even talk about girls, I always end up with my cards held close to my chest like I’m afraid something might happen if anyone knew my master plan.

The obvious truth is that I freak out just as much as any other single person. It’s part and parcel of the experience. I think everybody has voids in their life; places where we feel unfulfilled and empty, places that we want to enrich and fill with flowers, rainbows and unicorns. I think being single can be like taking a highlighter to these voids. But I certainly acknowledge that people in relationships continue to have these voids. I’ve seen couples that Eternal Sunshine refers to as “the dining dead” and I’ve seen couples that build on each other’s strengths and become greater than the sum of their parts. Being part of a couple changes the equation but it doesn’t remove those voids. Having someone to come home to doesn’t magically help you learn that musical instrument, write that novel or reconcile with that long lost family member but it certainly helps to have the right person around at the right time.

For a lot of people, being single is a problem to be solved but it’s rarely the most important problem.

My thoughts about singlehood aren’t particularly organised and I’m sure hypocrisy lurks in all the unswept corners but what I’m trying to say is that I’m ok with being single. I’m happy to work on my self-realisation alone, surfacing now and again to get help from a friend and going back to my work. I was always the quiet one in class.

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13 comments »

	Justine wow, this resonates.
	Deutlich Honestly, I couldn’t have said this better if I had tried. And I’m in total agreement, on all of that.
	distracted spunk Well…I guess I’m trying the single thing out again. Not very well, admittedly. I’ve been single for what feels like forever, but then I remember I was emotionally involved with two different guys over the last…jeez. Two and a half years? So this is a new one for me. I think, as much as I hate the idea of not coming home to someone anymore, I need a break. If we lived in the same area, I’d happily watch 30 Rock with you!
	Jack Justine: I’m glad you said that. I wasn’t sure where I was going with this post. Deutlich: Aww shucks. I propose a toast to singleness. DS: You are welcome over any time. We can reenact scenes and snort-laugh about it.
	uncommonblonde Thanks for stopping by my blog – I love finding new blogs through comments.
	tiff i’m the boring kind of single too. i love it, but i’m getting so stuck in my ways i wonder if it keeps me from branching out or taking risks. Or, you know, like ever being in situations where I might meet someone. My decisions are always like “hmm, go out with friends who are inviting people I don’t know, or catch up on a book or some TV in my pajamas with no pressure? Uh, yea.”
	karan Love the metaphor that being single is taking a highlighter to the voids. I think when you have a good circle of friends going, it fades into the background, until one of those days when they disappear with partners, and you’re left as a spare wheel. But then again, being single is a lot easier than the occasional bursts of dating I’ve had over the last year or so.
	poodlegoose One day, you’ll find a girl (or a guy, if you swing that way) who likes being with you, whether you just want to spend a day watching tv shows or going out and doing stuff. I’m such a boring with someone person, that I don’t even know what “stuff” should be. And if this doesn’t make any sense, I blame it on it being late over here and me behind on catching up on blogs.
	ExposedNYC Ah, the Mac Book Pro can fill so many of those highlighted voids :) It’s helped me organize thoughts for work, taped my favorite TV shows to play back, helped me stay in touch with the friends that let me relate to your OK with single attitude, and looks damn good in the process. If I had to choose between meeting the man of my dreams and my MBP tomorrow, I might have a hard time…
	Jack uncommonblonde – I found you via the 20-something blog carnival. :) tiff – I do that all the time too. Why can’t my friends just all decide to bring the party to my couch? It is so much easier. Poodlegoose – I’m still only chasing girls for now. But who knows, Seattle might change my mind. :D ExposedNYC: I am so glad we’re on the same page here. Let’s work together on writing sonnets for our laptops.
	CET I definitely relate to your post as well as to karan’s comments. Most of the time I’m quite happy being single but whether it’s societal pressure or my friends finding their match, at times I do feel like my life is lacking in that department. I certainly don’t want to be a part of the “dining dead” though and would most definitely want to be single for the right reasons than in a couple for the wrong ones. I found your blog through a comment you made on todgertalk; I admire your writing style and if I ever find myself in Seattle one day I’d be more than happy to veg on your couch with you!
	M.E. I do believe you have hit the nail on the head in some ways. I should take a note from you and just keep single status as a that box I check on my tax forms and not some thing that defines me in relation to the rest of my coupled up friends. Top Ten Reasons Being Single is Awesome
	xtina i think being single is fun for the most part. if i weren’t my blog would be a lot less interesting. but maybz it’s different for girls than guys. but i do understand about wanting someone to sleep next to you.

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