Mar292008

Man The Fuck Up

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I might be reading too many blogs because somehow I’ve taken on the stereotype of the failed twenty-something that moved to the big city to live out the dreams of Sarah Jessica Parker because my friends tell me, I am such a Carrie. Reading so many female authors has changed my coping mechanisms somewhat.

I had a bad day at work today. It sucked and I was feeling low and lonely. I felt unattractive. On the bus ride home, I listened to Feist and finished my novel. I stormed into the supermarket and bought a tub of ice cream. I sauntered into my apartment and stared at the mostly empty bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon but I decided to stick to the ice cream. Then I slipped into sweat pants and I watched a pre-recorded episode of Top Chef. (Spoilers: Thankfully the lesbian couple did not get broken up and I did not have to reach for the Kleenex.)

And after all that, I was done. I had indulged in my bad feelings and made peace with them.

I snapped out of it and I cleaned up all the crap in my living room that silently encouraged me to retreat to my couch. I put on some Jay-Z and returned my living room to a state that I could be proud of. I flirted with a girl over IM and I put on some going-out clothes, returning my self-esteem to a state that I could be proud of. I went out the door and drove to a party where I knew nobody and I engaged people. I got someone’s digits. And slowly but surely, I felt better about myself.

And it doesn’t hinge around whether girls like me or whether my apartment passes muster. It’s whether I like me. Sometimes I don’t like what I can be but I need to remember that I can surprise myself too.

Also, I am totally getting a red-wine headache now.

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13 comments »

xtina

im sorry you had such a shitty day. you should have come hang out with us. LOL
andrew

Maybe im a bit wierd but when you said “I got someone’s digits” i imagined you chopping of someone’s fingers, shoving them into a bag and running out of the apartment. Anyone else get that image?
poodlegoose

Ha. The first two paragraphs made me laugh, simply because I had to re-check to see if this was actually your blog I was reading (on google reader). It sure was. And congrats on the flirting on IM & getting digits. That takes some skillz.

What kind of ice cream was it? That totally matters.
Jack

xtina: I know, right? You guys sound like you know how to cut loose.

andrew: Yeah that’s what I did.

poodlegoose: Seriously, I can be very girly sometimes. But I’m ok with that. So ok that I blog about it. The ice cream? It was green tea flavor so I didn’t mention it (because the stereotype would demand it be some monstrosity of chocolate).
chris

That’s how you roll!
V

Love it. If you’re girly, then I’m guy-ish, because I totally would’ve ditched the ice cream and gone straight for the red wine. I’m curious, what exactly defines “the failed twenty-something”? I too feel the pressure, but I’m not sure where it’s coming from… If it’s from a lack of babies and wedding rings, then fine, I’ll proudly wallow in my failed twenty-something status.
nicoleantoinette

I have a raging red wine induced headache right now. And I’m glad you’ve learned how nice girl-like coping mechanisms can be. :)
Jack

chris: Hells yeah. Tune in next week when I get bitchy about Real Housewives.

V: I picked the ice cream only because I knew I’d be doing lots of drinking at the party. This party was hosted by a French guy and everybody brought wine. :D

nicoleantoinette: Yeah! What’s with these headaches that red wine brings? Wine is supposed to be sophisticated!
tiff

oh, the joys and sorrows of red wine.

I like you plenty Jack.
jinius

sounds like you need a vacation to get you out of the doldrums.

oh and music totally helps change your mood. jay-z is great. i also recommend any justin timberlake lol.
so@24

Redwine hangovers are the worst.

My positive thoughts go out to you.
distracted spunk

Very, very, very true. If you don’t like yourself, it’s kinda hard to like anyone else.

Also. We can’t be roommates. I can’t live with someone who has cooler t-shirts than I do. T-shirt war, all out, starting now. Or maybe Friday night, since I have to dress business casual. But. There will be war, nonetheless.
Jack

tiff: Aww, I like you too! Will you sign my yearbook?

jinius: Dude, you don’t know the half of it. JT got me through a very rough patch back when Justified was still kinda new.

so@24: Cheers!

DS: This is my house, you understand? My house. I’ll not have you come in here and throw about threats of war. (Also? My shirts are cooler. One of them has a rubber ducky.)

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