| Dec132008 | Eating and Creating |
These past months I’ve been paying attention to how emotional I can be. I’d always secretly hoped I was the strong, silent type and perhaps I am to some people but I’m just as much a slave to my emotions as anyone else.
One thing, I am a very emotional eater. It takes a lot for me to start being rational about my food. In my mind, I think about my next meal and healthy food tastes like cardboard whilst deep fried crunchy food is like being hugged by a unicorn. Reality rarely matches up with this – junk food just makes me feel lethargic and guilty – and yet I continue to do it! Thankfully, I don’t fit the single white female cliche and I don’t medicate my problems with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s but I will eat steak and burgers. Yum.
The other thing is that I’m emotional about work. I have to feel it, you know? If there’s some task that is shit-boring, it will take me five-times longer than the average person to complete. And it’s not some passive-aggressive thing to prove to my boss that my skills are being wasted, it’s just that I need to be entertained like a five-year-old. If something is going wrong at work, it’s soul-crushing.
The same thing applies to all my creative tasks. Like this blog re-design, I was aching to do it for a while and I got so wrapped up in it but as soon as I let myself relax at home, I ended up spending hours playing my Xbox. And it wasn’t even a good game, it was just an exercise in numbing the mind. I sat there and I thought to myself, I’d be so much happier creating something right now than pissing my time away but I could not drum up the willpower to do so.
These irrationalities of mine work against me. One makes me crave junk food when really all I want is tasty food. The other makes me lust for shiny distractions when I’m really aiming for some sort of self-accomplishment.
The problem here is that discipline was never my strong suit.
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