| Feb092009 | Then He Says, “Can I Kiss You?” |
You guys read Starting Over at 24? I do, I like it. Well, I like it now. I didn’t like it during my darkest, loneliest days of being single when I really didn’t feel like drumming up sympathy for some broken-hearted guy because, well, what about me?!
After every new post on that site, I feel like I could write an essay in response. Being that I am a hopeless, shy, and nerdy, I feel like I have tons to add to the conversation. In another life, I could be one of those angry Mormon mothers that sends hate mail to Dooce on a regular basis.
So@24′s subject matter stirs up this deep emotional response because it feels like I can almost reach back in time and yell at myself for being such an idiot. Maybe I haven’t made peace with the fact that I had to do things the hard way. I (usually) spare So@24 from my ranting comments but it depends a lot on how itchy my trigger finger is that day. This is probably what psychiatrists call “transference” although I prefer the term “self-loathing by proxy”.
Anyway, today he wrote about meeting a girl face-to-face for the first time after lots of talking online, going out for drinks with her friends and finally asking if he can kiss her.
I just wanted to say that the whole asking if you can kiss a girl is a great move. It’s an ice breaker for the physical stuff. It was probably appropriate for So@24′s situation because here were two people that knew each other well and previous signs indicated mutual attraction even if there was no obvious chemistry that night. Pros: She might say yes; it demonstrates politeness (chivalry?); you put your intentions into crystal-clear words; and the rejection is less harsh than if you just dived in. Cons: You might have to listen to her talk about how she just wants to be friends. You might get your feelings hurt but that’s a lame excuse because you’ve already spent the entire night checking her out, gradually letting your heart wander outside its protective cage of bone and on to your shirt sleeve. Are there other cons?
Oh course, this is one specific move on a whole spectrum. If you want to play it extra safe and sound really adorable, you could ask to hold her hand instead. If you want to be the strong, silent type, you could put your hand on her cheek and use your proximity and body language to convey that you’re requesting permission to dock. My previous go-to move was to say absolutely nothing and return home alone to either a) wallow in self-pity and the slow onset of sobriety or b) talk yourself into thinking you still have a chance with this girl and you haven’t been boxed into the dreaded Friend Zone.
I’m sure you all have your opinions about how to get things started physically. Comment away! Jack demands it!
| More? |
|
