| Mar182009 | Why women can’t get their shit together |
I’ve written about so@24 previously. His latest post is about a girl who wants to date a guy even though he clearly doesn’t measure up:
My Friend: You aren’t going to believe it, but when I gave him my number and he started to put it in his cellphone…
So@24: Yes… yes?
My Friend: I caught a glimpse of his cellphone background and it was one of those wallpapers you can purchase…
So@24: What was it?
My Friend: … a woman in a gold bikini.
So@24: …
My Friend: When I asked about it, he got really embarrassed, tried to cover it and said, “People never really look at my cellphone”
To this point, I say: not a big deal. Some guys never grow out of that stage of puberty. Especially if they continue to buy certain car or sports magazines. There are limits to how many photos of bikini-clad women are in his life but one on the cellphone is too early to call. I have a photo from the Presidential Inauguration as my wallpaper but I’m not going to start berating you with my political beliefs.
However, the second point in the blog post is something I can definitely get behind:
So@24: Are you serious?? And you still plan on seeing this guy? Why!?
*8My Friend:** I’m not in the position to be turning guys away.I swear, I encounter this shit all the time. It’s the biggest injustice in the world. Is this something that everyone eventually grows out of? Do the girls who hold the elusive tri-fecta having the qualities of being physically attractive, witty as hell, and smart as a whip have no idea that they possess this rare plutonium? It fucking baffles me. One of the greatest injustices of the world that guys with cellphone wallpapers of girls in gold bikinis are dating girls like this.
- Don’t settle.
- He’s gotta make you laugh.
- He’s gotta appreciate your humor and laugh with you.
Let the douchebags dudes date the douchbag girls. Checks and balances, people.
Alas, this is why girls remain the most mysterious creatures of all time.
I agree, women should learn to spot a douchebag and turn the other way. Don’t sell yourself short.
One pet peeve though and one that I am thoroughly guilty of: claim women are this beautiful, perfect yet mysterious creatures that only deserve the best. It’s not helpful. Everyone I count as a friend is someone that I feel deserves to be loved and respected and they are all people with great qualities. A lot of these friends, male or female, will get jerked around by potential partners and will and have made bad decisions.
The mistake I made is thinking that women were in a different position. From a man’s perspective, women obviously play the game differently. They follow a different set of social norms, they have guys hit on them, drinks bought and doors opened while we men have to pretend to be self-confident, initiate contact, drive cars, etc. These are only the stereotypes here and not everything applies but you can see what I’m saying: men and women are expected to do different things. The mistake I made is, after seeing all these differences, expect women to be a completely different species.
Women are ultimately driven by the same urges as men, we share a common human-ness that is greater than our differences. Women are just as fearful and self-doubting as men can be even if they have it all together in the looks, career, and smarts departments. For me, it’s not until I really internalized this idea of commonality and equality that I had a grip on this whole dating thing. Prior to that, I was all about worshiping at women’s feet and begging them to sleep with me as though it would be a favor. I’m was no different than the girl we all know that used to keep cutting her boyfriend slack even though he talked shit about her, made her pay for everything and hit on other girls.
Having an appropriate level of empathy and understanding about the opposite sex is what stopped me from putting women on a pedestal. I don’t think women (or men) are perfect creatures and none of it really matters as long as we all somehow find a partner that we are perfect for.
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