| Jun102009 | This dog is ignoring me |
A lot of goddamn false starts writing blog posts these days.
I spent an hour yesterday afternoon positioning my camera so maybe I could do a video blog. I searched around for various household objects that could give me the height I needed so the camera was at least eye level. Then I got vain and realized I needed to shower and shave before going on camera. After I got out of the shower, I lost all motivation.
On the drive home I’m coming up with these things to blog about. When I get home, it’s straight to the Xbox. Then food and TV. Then it’s nap time. The ideas are gone.
Part of it is that I don’t have a audience anymore. I don’t necessarily mean that in the literal sense. I mean, when I write, there’s no one to write to. Sure, there are still the brave few of you that subscribed to me and never figured out how to remove things from your feed reader but in my mind, I’m not writing for you specifically. Once upon a time, I used to write predominantly for myself, other times for close friends. Now, it feels like I’m talking out my thoughts to a dog; the dog tilts his head and stares at me quizzically before slumping off to his chew toy and ultimately ignoring me.
What I mean is, I need to start getting self-indulgent again. I need to just hammer out whatever stupid thoughts are in my head without censoring and worrying about if people are interested or not. I need to feel ok about ranting about television and video games, I need to annoy everyone with my bad attempts at fiction, I need to put forward my badly-reasoned political arguments and my unwanted opinions on the tech industry. I need to feel like it’s ok to post that sort of crap and feel like I still own this blog and it’s not some lingering ghost of a website that I refused to put out of its misery.
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