| Mar10 | I Don’t Like Growing Up |
I’m drowning this week. Sleep has been bad, work has been dissatisfying, social contact has been lacking. I’m in the middle of an ocean and every direction looks as good as any other. I can thrash around and choose a path but the view never seems to change.
I’m also stubbornly refusing to blame this on the recent break-up. The break-up was a catalyst but I was already broken and lost before we parted ways. The relationship was a comfortable place to hide from my problems and now they’re all staring me in the face. I’m too damn old to still be blaming my problems on one relationship.
So one thing that the ending of a long-term relationship does bring to mind is the temporary nature of things. I’m only coming to realize that our twenties are supposed to be this time of transition and change. One decade ago, I was dependent on my parents for everything and one decade from now, well, I don’t know. Climb the career ladder? Marriage? Paternity leave? Race a hot air balloon around the world?
My point is, things are all very temporary right now. My living arrangements will change every year. My friends will change. My job continues to change whether I like it or not. I might fall out of love with Seattle. People are all moving in their own direction and it’s only through dumb luck that our paths continue to cross. Everyone’s a nomad and it seems that it’s precisely the wrong time to put down roots. Now’s the time to demand a sample of every flavor of ice cream.
It’s been 3 years in Seattle and I think I’m running out of excuses to remain stationary.
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