I saw the movie adaptation of Eat Pray Love this weekend. The elevator pitch is that it’s a privileged New Yorker lady traveling to different parts of the world to find herself after her failed marriage. Gun to my head, I actually like the movie. But I understand all the criticisms. The main character just feels shallow, entitled and whiny; there’s a false sense of empowerment and feel-goods with no real advice for the heartbroken.

To me, the movie is high on the emotion and low in logic. You have to emotionally be at a point where you can tolerate listening to Julia Roberts live out beautiful travel fantasies and go on oddball spiritual journeys in order to deal with her divorce. I haven’t read the book but I have a strong gut feeling that the book does much better in fleshing out the characters and capturing the moments and the grittiness and moral ambiguity. The movie is a glossing over of the facts and its more of a fairy tale for the naive modern woman.

I did enjoy it though. I’m in a place where I can look back and see that it was a good decision to break up. Even though I was the one who got dumped, at some point each person has to decide to let go, to forge ahead on their own, to look after themselves first and trust that the other person and the rest of the world knows how to look after themselves. I’m glad that we broke up because things were already broken. Some of these things could be fixed trivial but others ran deep, deep into the structure and the foundation of the relationship. I am thankful for all the lessons I’ve learned as a result. Hence, it was enjoyable to watch a movie about a person breaking up and leading a fantastic fairy tale life, I’d like to believe I’ll have the same fairy tale one day.

It’s been about 8 months since we broke up. When people hear me mention my ex-girlfriend, they assume it’s far in the past. In a lot of ways, it is.

I asked a girl out the other day; first girl I asked out since I dated my ex. A disarmingly cute and creative girl that just charms the pants off of me (literally). I don’t know her that well, the chemistry hasn’t really been established between us but she’s beautiful both inside and out and distraction I would readily welcome. She hesitated in answering, for a variety of reasons. I think she hasn’t really looked at me in that way. I’d like this to be an easy and simple seasonal romance but things are not really set up to be that way. Playing with fire perhaps but I’m tempted to try asking her out again.

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Life is good. It is sometimes complicated, sometimes leaves me wanting and sometimes disappoints or frustrates but overall, I can’t complain about anything that’s happened this year. It’s been an astounding six months and I couldn’t ask for much more than this.

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Sure, there’s the uncomfortable situation of never meeting any single girls but that’s an issue that can be addressed in due time. The important part is that I’m ok with being alone. I’m not standing at the precipice of a gaping void and wondering how I could ever hope to fill it.

I started counting calories again this week. It’s something I do because it helps me control my portions. It doesn’t work for everyone but it has had limited success for me. So I use it. 1450 Calories on Tuesday, 1700 on Wednesday (we were drinking shots), 1300 on Thursday. Not bad at all.

It’s made me realize that I’m happier when I’m left a little wanting. It’s ok to be a little hungry when I go to sleep because I’m trying to break my overeating habits and lose some weight. It’s ok to be single and looking because it keeps me on my toes, keeps me wanting to go out more and challenge myself to meet new people.

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iPhone Alarm does not loop, large gap between end and start

Description

1. Set an alarm on your iPhone
2. Let the alarm start ringing

Expected: Alarm tone should sound and continue to repeat until dismissed. When tone is repeated there should be no gap between the end and the start of the tone.

Actual: Very large gap. Approximately 1 second of silence between the tone finishing and starting again.

Justification

Fixing this would be the kind of attention to detail that differentiates Apple from other companies. Also, I have a loop of M.O.P.’s Ante Up as my alarm sound and sometimes it goes off while I’m in the shower and I like to freestyle while the alarm is ringing. As of right now, I cannot do this because of this unsightly gap.

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I’ve been overdoing the going-out lately. Which is surprising because that is not something I have ever overdone. I’m a hermit, I’m resigned to my quiet little fortress of solitude but somehow I’ve managed to expand this fortress outwards and my world has grown a little bigger. Now I’m out most days of the week.

I had to stop and think about this last night when I went to see a movie with friends and we just kinda sat in silence next to each other and immediately parted ways afterwards. Super lame. I must resolve to stop going out for the sake of being out.

I found I’ve been getting a little pushy lately. I’m not sure yet if this is a good or bad thing but I’m certainly a little more aggressive in some aspects. I tend to pursue people I like hanging out with, maybe get a little clingy. I quickly dismiss people that are too negative or too depressing, mostly because they remind me too much of myself. I’m instigating my own social occasions and inviting people along, I no longer wait to be invited.

Mostly, I think I’m on to a good thing. I’m figuring out how to kick it as a single person living alone. But I need to juggle my priorities a little. I’m still way too hung up on girls. There’s a whole novel I could write on that. There’s this crazy need for me to let a woman run my life, I blame this on my mother.

I need to figure out my work situation. I’m still feeling very unmotivated but I have gained motivation to actually examine this and work it out. It’s a whole lot of navel gazing but I think I’m on the right path. My old co-worker last night said something to the same effect, it is good that I’ve realized I need to change.

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I cooked up a ragu Bolognese last night for the 3rd time. Don’t let the name throw you off, that just means a meat sauce originating from Bologna, Italy. Here is my mise en place: white wine, chicken broth, canned tomato puree, chopped onions and garlic, diced celery and carrot, pancetta, butter and a pound of ground beef. Ingredients I forgot to photograph: olive oil, milk, cinnamon, chili flakes, salt, pepper.

The recipe comes from FXcuisine.com, the site perhaps makes it look incredibly hard and involved but it’s not actually so bad. Here are the basic steps:

1. Dice everything.
2. Get organized. (Seriously, this is the most important one.)
3. Cook off vegetables, add pancetta and then put aside.
4. Brown meat in batches, re-add vegetables, add wine.
5. Transfer to a pot. Add milk, tomatoes and stock.
6. Season and simmer for 4 hours.

Ok, so it’s not a beginner recipe but it’s fun for the more experienced home cook if you want to perhaps capture the romantic idea that you’re cooking in the traditional Italian way.

Celery, onions and carrot cooking together in delicious harmony. These are the delicious vegetables that form a base for many French and Italian dishes. It really pays to spend the extra time to get a good dice on these.

The meat has to be cooked in a hot pan in small batches. You want a good sear on it like a burger patty and you want bits to get stuck to the pan. Don’t worry about cooking it the whole way through, it’s going to simmer for 4 hours anyway.

Everything into a pot, together with the milk and tomatoes and stock. I didn’t really think this through so the simmer began at 9pm and lasted until 1am. Next time, start cooking earlier.

While waiting, it’s also a good time to throw together some homemade pasta noodles. Again, it’s something that sounds ridiculously hard like milling your own flour but it’s way easier than making cookies or baking a cake or even baking bread. You just need flour, eggs and olive oil. Knead it, rest it, roll it, eat it.

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Gee by Girls’ Generation

It’s filled with cute Korean girls, it’s saturated with colors, the pace is frenetic, and the chorus is frustratingly catchy. I watched it and every time it just assaults my senses and I keep coming back for more. The song just echoes and grows to occupy every empty space between my brain and my skull and before you know it, I’m sticking my butt out, wagging my finger and singing along.

And there are so many girls. Basic math tells me there are 9 of them but it feels like so much more. Every shot is just so crowded visually and there are cute smiles and pouty frowns and hips thrusting and coy little dance steps. I get the feeling Korea has really perfected the craft of manufactured boy bands and girl groups.

Yes, I might be going crazy.

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I should have started snowboarding sooner. Incredibly humbling and taxing but fun nonetheless.

It made me think of the lost opportunities with my ex. For a short time on that mountain, I entertained the idea of writing her a letter to tell her that I see it now. I see how I closed myself off to the world and how I was wasting my time by being so withdrawn and holding myself back. I see more of what she meant when she said it was too soon to settle down like that. I’m coming to grips with what she must have seen.

I reflected on this and something didn’t feel quite right about this idea. I feel like I don’t want to write this letter to her. It’s something I need to write but she’s not my target. Anything written for her would be a selfish exercise. I don’t want to win her back, I don’t want to stir up bad feelings, I don’t want to reconnect in any way. I could write her a letter to get things off my chest but any reaction she gives would be dissatisfying. I don’t want her to miss me or hate me or envy me or ignore me. I already have exactly what I want from her right now: nothing.

Nope, this letter is meant for me. An apology to myself for taking the easy way out and taking things for granted. It’s a mistake I’ve been making throughout my entire life and no doubt one I’ll continue to make but I’d like to believe I’m one step closer to understanding and controlling it.

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I’m also stubbornly refusing to blame this on the recent break-up. The break-up was a catalyst but I was already broken and lost before we parted ways. The relationship was a comfortable place to hide from my problems and now they’re all staring me in the face. I’m too damn old to still be blaming my problems on one relationship.

So one thing that the ending of a long-term relationship does bring to mind is the temporary nature of things. I’m only coming to realize that our twenties are supposed to be this time of transition and change. One decade ago, I was dependent on my parents for everything and one decade from now, well, I don’t know. Climb the career ladder? Marriage? Paternity leave? Race a hot air balloon around the world?

My point is, things are all very temporary right now. My living arrangements will change every year. My friends will change. My job continues to change whether I like it or not. I might fall out of love with Seattle. People are all moving in their own direction and it’s only through dumb luck that our paths continue to cross. Everyone’s a nomad and it seems that it’s precisely the wrong time to put down roots. Now’s the time to demand a sample of every flavor of ice cream.

It’s been 3 years in Seattle and I think I’m running out of excuses to remain stationary.

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This is one of those things that makes me love the fact that I live in America. I picked up a pair of Tellason raw denim jeans about a month ago from a boutique in Ballard and I’m loving them. I’ve worn them practically every day since I got them.

First things first, what on earth is selvage denim? Basically, it’s denim made in an old-fashioned way and typically presented in its raw state. What does this mean for the wearer? Initially, there will be some inconvenience. The indigo dye will run a little, it has not been pre-shrunk and the fabric will be stiff like a bad Halloween costume. There will be none of the fake wear and tear stuff you see on modern jeans; no striping, no holes, no creases, no fraying.

So why subject myself to these inconveniences? Mostly my geeky curiosity. I’ve been promised that this stuff is rugged. But more than that, after pre-shrinking my pair of jeans and really breaking them in for a week, they feel great. My other cheap jeans feel like sweatpants next to my Tellasons. They do flattering things for my legs, they don’t sag around my ass and I can see the first signs of wear and creases that make this pair of jeans uniquely mine.

More than anything else, I love the story behind them. A story that will make people at dinner parties roll their eyes and wonder why the fuck an idiot like me would pay $200 for a brand of jeans that nobody has ever heard of. These jeans are all-American: the denim is from Greensboro, North Carolina, the leather labels are from Portland, Oregon and it’s put all together in San Francisco. And they’re made in that classic way back when a pair of jeans still meant something: straight leg, rugged as shit and a blank canvas for you to create your own wear patterns. Tellason’s first ever run produced a mere 240 pairs of jeans and I managed to snag #223. I won’t lie, the exclusivity makes me feel a little smug.

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